ChILdHoOd BeSt fRiEnD: The Early Years

I know that I'm not the only one feels like this...in a lot of ways it feels like life stopped & in some ways (although not all) life ended March 2020. I can close my eyes & still see myself going to lunch with my friend Karyn & getting my haircut.

And it seemed like I blinked & it was life stopped. Thank goodness I got my hair cut tho, eh. 

Initially it was okay, I'd lucked out & had landed a remote job that has made a huge impact in my career today. But it was hard too. My grandmother & the youngest of her daughters leaned on me heavily. My grandmother is 98% blind due to macular degeneration & her only source of entertainment was audiobooks. With libraries closed & my aunt incapable of thinking of things like this...? I was burning 5-7 audio books to CD daily. Yes. I was going ollllld school here. I hadn't burned at CD since 2005. Thankfully my grandmother had this e-reader from the local Council Blind & it had USB capability. 

However this was quite the endeavor. I don't know if anyone has ever downloaded from audible like this. But it took 2 or 3 programs to get the books in a format that would work with the CDs/USB. One book took easily 45 minutes. I was exposing myself to my grandmother & my aunt on a weekly basis which worried me. This was incredibly frustrating as my aunt has audible purchased books but would not learn the process to get my grandmother entertainment. 

One of my saving graces at this time was my cHiLdHoOd bEsT fRiEnD hEaThEr. I hated that that was how we always introduced each other. Because while true on a technicality. It wasn't true in actuality. See when I hear someone in their early/mid 30s say "childhood best friend" my first thought are people who have been friends their entire lives. They've maintained consistent contact from when they were children/adolescence through young adulthood into adulthood. 

I don't think of a pair of people who were friends as middle school & high schoolers. Then one of them...honestly it's been 17 fucking years & I still can't wrap my head around it. One second her stepdad is taking pics of me as I graduate & we're celebrating graduation night. Then suddenly she was too good for me. I was really sick the summer of 2005. I kept getting strep & tonsillitis. As soon as I would get over one, I would get another. That was the summer my dad found out that Typhoid Mary wasn't just an expression but that you actually could have an illness, show no symptoms, & pass it on to someone who gets really sick. 

I have one clear memory of texting Heather on my shitty cricket & she's always been a really shitty liar....she pretended to be 3rd party claiming to have just purchased the phone & it's number from Heather a day or two before. It really broke my heart. It was really confusing I had no idea what I'd done & to this day, she never told me why she'd stopped speaking to me. 

When I think of childhood best friends...I don't think of one having participating in stalking & harassment behavior of the other. Heather & I used to have mutual friend K. This was probably one of the most toxic friendships I've had because there was always some sort of petty drama somewhere. One would get pissed over some minuscule perceived slight, team up with the one who didn't cause the slight & isolate the one who "errored". Things would be very cruel too. I'm talking spreading vicious rumors, intentionally being around the one being isolated to show just how good of time the other two having without the 3rd, intentionally making plans in front of the isolated one so they knew they'd be excluded & then make sure to only talk about how much fun was had in front of the isolated one so they still knew they were excluded. 

This was in middle school & high school. It's something that clearly has shaped my life as I'm writing this fucking blog. 

So. 2006. K (I'm not outing her - we haven't spoken in over a decade) & I had been friends minus Heather for about a year. Heather had been out of state for a bit & back in. But she was hanging out with people that neither K nor I were associated with. K was having a hard summer with a breakup & her ex getting with someone new. Without going into too much detail but enough that can be inferred...she made an exclamation that worried me. I wasn't able to get ahold of her. Being 18 a month out from 19, I did the stupidest thing I probably have ever done. I made a fucking MySpace bulletin (aka fb status). 

Yeah. I could see how she'd be fucking pissed. Even when your heart is in the right place, sometimes you do things that really hurt people. Far more than your good intentions could have ever been. I completely acknowledge that. To this day that has been an action that has haunted me. 

That said...K did like she always had always done when upset with me. She called Heather. Heather at that time was with a man named Ozzy Jay Bock, jr. I fully believe that if K had never called Heather, I never would have dealt with the next 4.5 months of hell. 

So after that MySpace bulletin...I started receiving calls at all hours of the day & night, I started receiving voicemails from Jay telling me how he wanted rape & sodomize me. How he would get me when I least expected it. He would leave voicemails pretending to be a cop - which his father was. In addition to this, I blocked over 150 xanga accounts, accounts that were just random letters, accounts that were my name calling me derogatory names. In addition to that when Heather worked at the EZ Mart on 6th St & Razorback Rd, she let K write my phone number in the bathroom of her own employer in one of those for a good time call ads. I still have those in a photobucket account. It's really sad that men actually call those ads. In addition to all that Heather, Jay, & K egged my mom's house & threw condoms filled with mayo filled with condoms on her yard. 

This only stopped because Jay turned out to be the type of monster who hurts children. Just google him. And for anyone who wants to deny this...I have no issue contacting the police agency that I filed these reports with to see if I can get copies of the those reports. 

After that, I didn't see her again on friendly terms until 2020 after Covid hit. 

Those 4.5 months defined my life. 

They introduced me to my abuser - he lived across from Heather, Jay, & K. Jay stole his identity. We met by commiserating by being screwed over by both of them. One of Jay's voicemails was threatening to have my Ex hack my computer and out CP on it. Makes ya wonder how Jay would have access to CP. 
They gave me a substantial amount of PTSD
They gave me agoraphobia that I've somehow managed to get down to only extreme social anxiety. I still have difficulty in crowded places, especially if they're unexpectedly crowded. I feel like I'm  suffocating. Like I'm drowning. I guess that's what happens when a monster calls you multiple times a month telling you that you never know when he'll find you, rape & sodomize you. 

Tune in later this week for ChILdHoOd BeSt fRiEnD: The Covid years